Living life for others is simply exhausting. Sure, it is a noble sentiment to think beyond yourself, but how much neglecting of self is tolerable before losing oneself? Believe it or not, there is no definitive answer. Our environment, culture, past experiences, and goals are just a few possibilities that reveal our desire to put others first.

The cape is real! I am not talking about the piece of land that reaches for the ocean. I’m talking about the cape that’s affixed to Superman, Batman and the others. It is a mental cape used to propel people to put aside personal inhibitions, and defer energy and strength to those who take, take, take.  Maybe I should say we ALLOW them to take, take, take.  This is the superhero mentality.

Have you heard the statement “The struggle is real?”  Well this statement becomes all too true when we become exhausted from tending to others' call for help.  The superhero mentality is real!  Furthermore, we are the nonfictional representation of an imperfect human being.  This reality means that we need to protect ourselves from ourselves. To do this, we must all create boundaries.

Boundaries protect us from allowing others to violate all that is precious and treasured within.  Moreover, they help us to live life according to our terms.  Which would you prefer?  Directing the course of your life, or jumping through hoops at the beckoning call of those who rub shoulders with you?  If your answer is not the first one, know that you will continue to feel violated by those closest to you. 

Being present for our loved ones is great and commendable.  However as a therapist, I warn you to pay attention to your true needs, wants, and desires.  Failure to do so will inevitably result in burnout.  When our emotions befriend Captain Anger, Captain Resentment, or Captain Anxiety, we knowingly give our precious time and effort away.  When we do this, we continually enable others to violate our boundaries.  

For all readers who have had their cape securely fastened around their neck, I hope that by reading up to this very line, your cape has been loosened.  Escape the superhero mentality by creating boundaries for yourself.  You can start by making the simple choice to say “No”.  Say “No” when you really do not want to do something for someone else.  Say “No” when you are tired and need rest.  Say “No” when you're about to sacrifice your happiness to be there for somebody else.  You get the point.  With your “No” statements, always be respectful, be kind and honest with that person.  This will help them understand you. 

Lastly, everybody will not like or appreciate the fact that you have established boundaries.  This  may be completely new for them.  You are establishing a new you that even your closest friends and family may not recognize.  Here’s the truth.  Some people will stay in your life and some will leave.  This is the harsh reality that we all face when presenting boundaries.  It is time to take off your cape and put on a better you.  Remember, even superheroes have boundaries.  

If you want to engage in the process of establishing your boundaries in different areas of your life, I am here for you.  Feel free to call or text me for a 5-10 minute consultation.  Let’s create balance in your life.  

Nathaniel Welch M.Ed, LPC-A

Supervised by Debbie Martin

346-367-2770